The reply to the email was swift and abrupt. I opened it with a lot of hesitation. It is official that I will be going back to third grade. I still honestly don't know how I feel. I would love to have kept the job from last year until retirement (about 5 years). It was filled with challenge and excitement. It was - quite honestly - a boat load of work. Seriously. But I loved every second of it. Even the early morning duty in the cold weather. It was different and kept me on my toes. I don't do change well, never have, and the way the schedule changed around throughout the year was a challenge. But I adjusted. I began last year with a pledge to myself to not complain about one thing at school. That is not to say my brother who lives with me didn't get a few ear fulls. I pledged to be positive and cheerful. I did it too. I won't say negatives never crept in, but I fought them away diligently. Now I have to continue this personal challenge this year.
I guess I thought I didn't know which direction I wanted to go. But I think I was wrong. I wanted so badly to continue what I had started last year. I find myself fighting depression about the move. I know I must shake this free. Waking up in the middle of the night thinking about the days ahead is not healthy. I will make this a wonderful year. I will try to get a hold of my emotions. Just not this second, just not today.